Courting Habits
by Stunning Sunset
Summary: Or how to go around in circles. Apparently, neither Ibiki nor Sakura are good at it, which makes for awkward moments and misunderstandings. Of course, Anko and Ino are good at looking out for their best interests.Even if they are not completely disinterested themselves...Rating may go up in the second part. This is for you, nekoumori!


This fic is a special request for nekoumori, who is nice enough to translate my fic, The Blind and the Unseeing, into Spanish. As asked, I've written an IbiSaku. This was long in coming, due to the fact that I've written it all on my IPod, and I've decided to split it into two parts. So here is Part 1. I hope this proves to be an enjoyable read.

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"Haruno-san, you are required at the T&I Headquarters."

Sakura stifled an aggravated sigh and swiveled around in her chair to look flatly at the ANBU who had suddenly appeared in her kitchen.

She pointed her spoon at him, saying calmly, "As opposed to you all who work mostly at night, I work usually during the day. Which means I wake up at a normal time of the day, I have breakfast at a normal time of the day, and I don't expect visitors until a normal time of the day, i.e. after I've finished my bowl of cereal. So whatever Morino-san wants me for will wait for me to finish my breakfast."

With that said, she plunged her spoon back into her bowl and resumed eating her breakfast. However, the presence of the silent ANBU seriously dampened her mood, and it was with a glower that she followed the man moments later down the now familiar road leading to the T&I Headquarters.

_I swear, this is the third time this week_, she thought to herself.

-:-

Anko sauntered up to Ibiki's desk and perched on it with a whistle.

The man didn't look up from his mountain of paperwork.

Silence.

She crossed her legs.

Silence.

Her right foot started to swing to the beat of the annoying tune she began to whistle to annoy him.

Pointed silence. At least it seemed like she was making progress.

She picked at her nails.

More pointed silence. Alright, just one last push should do it.

Observed her handiwork in complete laziness.

With a rustle, Ibiki put his papers down and finally gave her his full attention.

Score!

With a Cheshire grin, she tutted at him.

"Ibiki-chan~you poor baby."

Point to her for not flinching under the Glower From Helltm he sent her way.

"What. Do. You. Want," he growled.

"Well, well, well, Ibiki-chan. You old cradle robber, you!" she said with a saucy smirk.

He looked at her blankly.

"What?"

"You're courting the Hokage's apprentice!" she accused triumphantly with a pointed finger.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, don't try to hide it, it's way obvious! You're courting her! I've been watching you and in the past few weeks, you've had Haruno come down to HQ an average of five times a week. And you're good enough that you don't need to hurt the prisoners you interrogate that much. But you do. And that's so you get to see the Haruno girl."

He didn't say anything, but her grin only widened to epic proportions.

"That's kind of sweet of you. Awkward and more likely to have her blow out in front of you, but sweet. But you have noticed that she's getting annoyed at being called down here all the time, right?"

At his blank stare, she sighed and patted his shoulder with pity etched all over her face.

"Ah, Ibiki-chan, so clueless. But don't worry! Anko-sama is going to help you get the girl!"

-:-

Sakura woke up in a fright. The hand on her shoulder receded and she turned around to face Ino.

"Huh?" she asked, still not completely awake.

"Forehead, Forehead, Forehead, you should stop sleeping at your desk," said the blonde pityingly, reaching to pluck a sheet that had stuck to Sakura's cheek during her impromptu nap.

"What do you want?" asked Sakura, simultaneously stretching and rubbing at her eyes.

"Well, I was looking for you, and I frankly wasn't expecting to see you here. Nowadays, you spend nearly as much time at the T&I Headquarters as me, despite not officially working there."

"I know," said Sakura. "I think Morino-san is losing his touch. He used to be cleaner with the prisoners when he interrogated them. Maybe he's getting old."

"Or maybe he's in love with someone he can't see unless he has her come down to Headquarters," replied Ino pointedly.

There was a moment of silence, then: "Don't be ludicrous, Pig. What you're implying is completely impossible."

"Why? He's a healthy male and you're an attractive female. If anything, it'd be more improbable that he doesn't feel at least a little bit attracted. I say you check his crotch the next time you see him. But you've gotta reveal a bit more cleavage."

Sakura's nose scrunched up. "Eww, Pig. That's downright dirty! He's your boss!"

"Yeah, and he has an amazing ass. Your point is?"

"Two words: age difference."

Rolling her eyes, Ino replied tartly: "Two words: Hatake Kakashi."

The pinkette cursed herself for ever confessing to Ino that she had had a crush on her sensei years ago.

"You went for the whole 'dark and mysterious' package once. Why not another time?"

Sakura furrowed her eyebrows as a thought came to her.

"Hey, Pig, why are you so set on getting me and Morino-san together? Were you bribed or something?"

At Ino's rosying cheeks and eyes that refused to meet her own, she let out, "Oh hell, I was right! Who was it and what did they promise you? Tell me or so help me, I'll make you regret it."

"I...oh, alright, I heard it from Mitarashi. She promised to have Morino-san coach me personally for two weeks if I agreed to convince you to give the man a chance. Two weeks, Forehead! Do you know what a dream that is? It's been years since he's agreed to supervise personally another's interrogation!"

She was torn between exasperation and amusement.

"Pig...you sold me out for two weeks with him?" she asked, tapping her fingers dangerously against her desk.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that! I'm sure he's a great guy!"

"Yeah? Then why don't you date him?" retorted the pinkette snarkily.

"Please! Just one date! For me?" asked Ino, pulling her best puppy-eyed look.

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek, then gave in, on the condition that she got Ibiki to stop deliberately injuring his prisoners just to get her to come down to the H&I Headquarters.

-:-

She waited for the man to get her to their date spot. Glancing at the clock, she noted that he would arrive any minute now. Would he come through the window like so many ninja did, or would he be 'normal' enough to ring at the door? The former wouldn't impress her as far as date-behaviour went, but with the latter, she was sure to get acid and sarcastic comments from the old lady who lived in the apartment next to hers and whose sole activity in life seemed to be spying on whatever went on beyond her front door. She didn't know which one she'd prefer.

In the end, he showed up at her door, making him one of that elusive category of ninja who bothered to do so—which meant a rare 1% of the ninja population.

"You're on time," she noted. "That's good."

Ibiki nodded, looking faintly ill at ease.

"Hm."

"Well, let's go, then," she suggested to put him more at ease.

He nodded gratefully and led the way out of the apartment complex.

Surprisingly, he didn't take her to a restaurant as a civilian would have and he didn't go classic ninja-style and took her to a training grounds for a spar (hardly romantic). Instead, he took her to a lot where young genin were taking pots of herbs and flowers inside a greenhouse.

"What is this?" she asked curiously.

"My private greenhouse," he replied calmly, weaving through the genin to get inside. Sakura followed him.

"Your...Why do you have a greenhouse?"

"I have a need for medicinal plants and poisonous ones. Obviously, the poisonous ones are for my job, because I often need poisons, and the medicinal ones are for myself, because my body is quite frankly a mess, and it's a permanent state."

She nodded, having expected as much.

"You've got a good selection," she noted.

"Thank you. I've just received a few specimens from Suna, and I thought they'd interest you."

"They do, they do," she murmured distractedly, studying the aforementioned specimens, unaware that Ibiki was looking at her in amusement, lips twitching.

Hestepped back while she fluttered from one plant to the other like a butterfly, content with watching her happy self.

Sakura was so caught up in her examination of the plants that she didn't notice when the genin, done with their mission, trailed out of the greenhouse. In fact, she was so immersed in her fascinated observation that she only looked up from a particularly interesting carnivorous plant when her nostrils caught an incongruous scent in the plant-filled area.

Her cheeks bloomed brightly as she met Ibiki's amused eyes. The tall man, lounging on the threshold of the greenhouse, was calmly sipping coffee from a black mug.

"How long have you stood there?" she asked, embarrassed.

"Not long. I kept an eye out for you while I did some paperwork, and when I felt my attention slip I went inside to fix myself a cup of coffee."

"Oh Kami-sama, I'm so sorry," she said contritely, thinking to herself that Ino would have her head for this. "I must be an awful date, and you worked so hard to get me to agree, too..."

"Don't worry about it," he said, waving her mournful words off. "To be frank, this whole dating thing was all Anko's idea. I didn't expect much anyway. I'm already happy enough that you came. I know that spending time with a scarred older man is not exactly what you young women prefer to do in your spare time. If you at least enjoyed the greenhouse, that's good."

She felt her cheeks flare up that much more, knowing that he was right about her and feeling shamed that he was so spot on. Somehow, when he put it into words, it made it seem so dirty.

He put a potted plant in her hands.

"Take it," he said at her interrogative glance. "The leaves of that plant, when grinded, act much like an energy drink. I've already got one, so you can have this one. You should keep it in your office at the hospital and take better care of yourself." He looked out, noting that light was quickly fading. "It's getting dark out; I have to go to work. Feel free to continue to examine the plants, but the door is never locked, if you prefer to come back another day."

He was giving her an easy way out like a gentleman, and left her to do whatever she wished to.

-:-

When Ibiki went home in the late morning, he was surprised to find a meal waiting for him on his kitchen table under a layer of clinging wrap.

_Huh. How surprising._

He was tired enough not to question why Sakura would leave him a home-cooked meal. His chair scraped loudly on the floor as he sat down in front of it tiredly, rubbing at his eyes.

He put his chopsticks to good use for the fifteen minutes that it took him to finish the simple meal.

Then, yawning, he went to sleep until his next shift.

-:-

Anko stepped in through the window, looking around her at the dark room. Except a series of dirty dishes in the sink, nothing jumped to her eyes. Everything seemed normal.

Then why wasn't he at work? Ibiki was never late. Never.

Spying the closed door to his bedroom, she smirked lightly.

"My, my, Ibiki-chan, did you land the girl already?" she murmured, creeping to the door and putting her ear against the wood to hear anything. When she heard nothing but a labored breathing, a frown appeared on her face.

If he'd been making love to the Haruno girl, she'd have heard cries and bed creaks. If they'd been sleeping, there would have been two sets of peaceful breathing. And it didn't sound like he was jerking off.

Now feeling unsettled, she carefully opened the door, ready to parry any weapon sent her way.

Her frown deepened when none came forthwith and no movement came from the figure buried under the black sheets.

"Ibiki-chan?"

She approached the motionless man and gasped.

"Oh boy."

-:-

Sakura dreaded Ino's appearance, knowing that her friend would want every last detail of her date, and she could never lie to the blonde. Somehow, she always knew when she was not telling the truth.

The door to her office opened and slammed against the wall as Ino stormed in, eyes flashing.

"Damn it, Sakura!" she yelled, "If you really didn't want to go on a date with the man, you should have told me no instead of going and poisoning him!"

"WHAT?!" exclaimed the pinkette, chair slamming against the wall behind her as she shot to her feet.

"You heard me! You've managed to singlehandedly land him in the urgency room! Congratulations, I'm dead! I think I'm gonna take a long-term mission. Hopefully he'll have forgotten about this whole mess by the time I come back."

Dread pooled in Sakura's stomach.

"Where is he?"

"Room 573, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you," finished the blonde, yelling at Sakura's retreating back.

She didn't listen, so Ino merely shrugged and let it be.

_Her funeral._

-:-

Ibiki was feeling horrible. And he couldn't escape his hospital room since he barely felt well enough to exist.

As he was thinking such glumly, the door to his room opened wide, revealing a disheveled pink-haired medic.

"Morino-san!" she breathed, "Are you alright?"

He stared at her balefully, head thumping back on his pillow after a while as bile rose in his throat. Staring at the ceiling, he carefully controlled his breathing while the urge to throw up slowly receded.

When he glanced at her again, he saw that she was biting her lower lip, cheeks flushed.

"It's not your fault," he said calmly.

"Of course it is!" she burst out. "If I hadn't made that dinner..."

"I knew the risks when I ate it," he replied, closing his eyes as though that could make him feel better. "I've been told by your previous sensei of your cooking skills, or lack thereof."

She wanted to be angry at him for saying this, but his situation clearly pointed out that he was there exactly because of her cooking.

"I'm sorry."

"It's no matter, Haruno-san. I'll be out of this bed soon enough and you won't have to think of me anymore."

Her heart clenched at that. He had been nothing but civil, even though he clearly knew she had wanted nothing to do with him. It made her feel ashamed of her pettiness. She thought back to their date. He had shared something personal of his, something he knew she would enjoy, even though he could have easily just taken her out to some restaurant or another, like almost all of her previous dates; the others took her to some training ground.

If she had to compare faithfully, she would have to put him at the top of her list of dates.

Prejudice, apparently, was still strong in her. She so needed to stop going for the cute ones. They all knew they were beautiful and acted like total pricks as though their face would redeem them no matter what.

And it never did.

"You are a great date, Morino-san," she said at length. "Better than any Ino's set me up on."

Not knowing what else she could possibly say without sounding fake, she left silently.

She returned to her office, mulling over what she knew of Ibiki. He was not like the men she usually frequented. For one, he was a serious man, and quite a reserved one at that.

And yet he had let her in.

-:-

Ibiki finally escaped the hospital, like any self-respecting ninja would, and returned to his apartment. He still felt a bit queasy due to his ordeal, but he would be fine if he ate bowls of rice gruel for the next few days. As long as he didn't vomit due to the metallic smell of blood during an interrogation, all would be fine.

He stayed home only long enough to get changed, then left for the T&I Headquarters.

At his arrival, he was greeted by a distressed man, one of his new interrogators.

"Ah! Morino-san! We have a problem! Mitarashi-san refuses to work! She has holed herself up in your office and won't come out!"

He sighed mentally. Anko regularly made his subordinates go nuts as though she periodically had to prove to herself that she could still surprise everyone. This newbie, though, had come after her last blitz and thus wasn't prepared mentally to face Anko's ploys.

"Has anyone tried to go in?" he asked, forcing himself not to sigh.

As expected, the answer was negative.

"Alright. I'll go see what she's up to."

Really not in the mood to play her little mind games, Ibiki opened the door with such force that it smashed with a bang against the wall, and deftly intercepted a kunai headed straight for his forehead. Evidently, it was just a show and not a real attempt to hurt anyone coming in.

"What is it this time?" he asked with no real bite to the woman sitting crossed-legged on his desk, idly twirling a kunai between two fingers.

"At last. You almost made me wait, but lucky for me, I know you well. Now, what is it between you and the pinky? Tell me all the juicy details!"

Wondering for the umpteenth time what could possibly make his sexual life so interesting to her, he threw the kunai back to her.

"Nothing. She apologized, I told her it was alright, and I'll be calling her only when strictly necessary. You'll have to find us another competent medic to replace her."

"Bullshit. She's perfect for the job and you know it. Why do you let her go when you have it so bad for her?"

Swiping her away from his desk and frowning in aggravation as several sheets of paper scattered to the ground, he answered briefly.

"This is what's best for her."

"Again, bullshit. But I know you won't change your mind, so I'm not arguing any further. However, do not misunderstand me. This is far from over."

She left him alone, but he didn't feel any calmer for it.

-:-

"Forehead, are you trying to put your apartment on fire?"

"What?!"

"Then, do you have a vendetta against your neighbours? 'Cause you're well on your way to smoking them out. Literally."

Sakura looked up at her friend who was observing her from the ledge of her kitchen window.

She took a look at her surroundings. The counter, as well as the unnamable contents of her frying pan, was charred, burned to a crisp. The rest of her kitchen didn't fare much better, and it basically looked like Naruto and Sai had fought in it. Meaning, as though a tornado had stormed the room.

"Shut up, Pig," she muttered, waving a hand to dissipate some of the thick black smoke.

"You know, if you asked nicely, I could help you with your little project."

Sakura considered that for a moment and eyed her friend critically.

"And what's in it for you?"

Ino stepped down from the ledge, gingerly standing on one of the few clean and uncluttered spots in the kitchen.

"Well, I just want you to be happy. It never lasted with the guys I sent your way, but you seem to care for Morino-san. So even if it would be awkward to work with him if he was your boyfriend, I'd rather have you be happy in a relationship."

Sakura sighed. She didn't know what she was doing anymore.

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And now I'll begin writing part 2.


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